The new chapter

When it was over, she said she felt wrong for still wanting me part of her life. I told her it would be hard for me since I don't see her as just a friend, but I said I would try. Now I find myself reaching out to her, and she doesn't respond. I don't know what I did to make her hate me to the point that she would totally ignore me. Maybe it's easier for her this way. I have always emphasized that I would never make her do anything she didn't want to, and I still won't and never will.

So I told her my good byes today. I told her I missed her, I still think about her. If she is happier this way, then it's what I have to do. It hurts. It sucks. But I want her to be happy.


When we started this, I knew what sacrifices I was making. I knew what it meant for her. I knew that there would be no turning back. We were friends for so long, and lovers so quick ....I never thought about what I was losing at the moment, all I saw was what I had to gain.... happiness. I never figured in what I would be losing, when it ended. It was going so well I never had to think about it. But I lost something I thought I would never lose ... my friend.

So today I am attempting to begin the new chapter of my life.  I wish I had a better ending to the last chapter, but it's a bit open ended, and maybe I can go back and finish it later. For now, I will try to move on. Don't think I will be trying to find another relationship. My heart is not in it for now. I'm still grieving. She use to tell me she missed me, she was always thinking of me. I told her that every time she left my side, she took my heart with her, and I only hoped she brought it back with her the next time I saw her. She left .... but my heart is still with her.

So many things remind me of her, it will take more time getting use to it.

I may have said good bye, but I will always be here if she needs me.