The questions and statements I find myself saying over and over on a daily basis :
-I wonder how things could have been
-What if?
And
-Does she ever think about me, even for a minute?
All rhetorical. All irrelevant.
We don't talk anymore. I can't even say we are friends. But i guess it's what she wants and I don't really have a say in the matter.
I miss how we would talk about anything and everything. I miss her quick witted remarks. I miss her smile. Her laugh.
I would give anything to turn back the hands of time. But I can't. She will always be my unicorn. That magical mystical beautiful creature I can't capture and call my own.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sleep/dreams part 1
I have been trying to read more on sleep and dreaming. The whole process is so interesting to me.
I read only 15 % of adults are able to easily remember what happens in their dreams. Some people think they don't dream, but they do, their dreams were just not vivid enough for them to remember. Waking up with big motions, or waking up and thinking too much, like how to go about your day can distort your memory of your sleep.
The dreams I remember usually deal with memories. So it's not really hard to forget. I go to sleep thinking about it. I usually have some memory of it while I sleep. And I wake up thinking about it. I guess I force myself to dream about it. Probably can't consider it a dream. More of a premeditated dream.
The movie Inception was intriguing to me. The "falling feeling" thing made a lot of sense. You have that feeling of plunging to your death wakes you up. Or that near death part of a dream or nightmare. That sudden jerk that makes your body jump out of bed and you're grasping for air as if it were your last. The rush of adrenaline out of no where. Crazy how the mind can cause such knee jerk reactions when you are in the dead of sleep. Myths about dying in your sleep because you had a dream of you dying were busted. Study show many have had dreams of their own deaths and live to tell about it.
Ever stare at the person laying next to you in bed? I have a bad habit of watching them while they sleep. The calmness of their breath. How you can see their soft bevel of their eyes move under their eyelids. The most vivid part or their dreams is when you can see it move rapidly. Happens for maybe a few seconds to a few minutes at a time. Study show it happens every hour and a half or so. The last REM (rapid eye movement) could last up to 45 mins.
I'm reading more on how medication can influence your dreams and other types of dreams. Like lucid dreams where you're kind of awake but sleeping, semi sleeping in a dream.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I read only 15 % of adults are able to easily remember what happens in their dreams. Some people think they don't dream, but they do, their dreams were just not vivid enough for them to remember. Waking up with big motions, or waking up and thinking too much, like how to go about your day can distort your memory of your sleep.
The dreams I remember usually deal with memories. So it's not really hard to forget. I go to sleep thinking about it. I usually have some memory of it while I sleep. And I wake up thinking about it. I guess I force myself to dream about it. Probably can't consider it a dream. More of a premeditated dream.
The movie Inception was intriguing to me. The "falling feeling" thing made a lot of sense. You have that feeling of plunging to your death wakes you up. Or that near death part of a dream or nightmare. That sudden jerk that makes your body jump out of bed and you're grasping for air as if it were your last. The rush of adrenaline out of no where. Crazy how the mind can cause such knee jerk reactions when you are in the dead of sleep. Myths about dying in your sleep because you had a dream of you dying were busted. Study show many have had dreams of their own deaths and live to tell about it.
Ever stare at the person laying next to you in bed? I have a bad habit of watching them while they sleep. The calmness of their breath. How you can see their soft bevel of their eyes move under their eyelids. The most vivid part or their dreams is when you can see it move rapidly. Happens for maybe a few seconds to a few minutes at a time. Study show it happens every hour and a half or so. The last REM (rapid eye movement) could last up to 45 mins.
I'm reading more on how medication can influence your dreams and other types of dreams. Like lucid dreams where you're kind of awake but sleeping, semi sleeping in a dream.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The inevitable
So tonight was my boys Pat and David birthday party. I have been so sick this week I wasn't sure I was going to even go. I wanted to make it an effort to at least go and say happy birthday to them, as my boys, it was the least I could do.
Saw my ex of 4 years there. And to my surprise she had a date. It was bound to happen. She is a great, caring, loving person. Its not hard for someone to fall for those traits. I guess I wasn't so shocked at first, but as the night went on, it became more apparent I was the last to know.
I guess it would have been less of a shock if i knew, but i was totally clueless. Makes more sense now. I know the guy, and he was interacting more with her at bowling. Just thought i deserved more instead of being bind sided.
I hold no grudges. I am truly happy for her. She deserves it.... To be happy.
It was inevitable she would end up with someone else. After we were over, I wished and willed it to happen to her. I know how happy i was with her when it was working ... And that ... Should be shared with someone.
I had my chance with her, and reasons beyond my control, I couldn't keep her happy.
I wish her the best
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saw my ex of 4 years there. And to my surprise she had a date. It was bound to happen. She is a great, caring, loving person. Its not hard for someone to fall for those traits. I guess I wasn't so shocked at first, but as the night went on, it became more apparent I was the last to know.
I guess it would have been less of a shock if i knew, but i was totally clueless. Makes more sense now. I know the guy, and he was interacting more with her at bowling. Just thought i deserved more instead of being bind sided.
I hold no grudges. I am truly happy for her. She deserves it.... To be happy.
It was inevitable she would end up with someone else. After we were over, I wished and willed it to happen to her. I know how happy i was with her when it was working ... And that ... Should be shared with someone.
I had my chance with her, and reasons beyond my control, I couldn't keep her happy.
I wish her the best
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Home Entertainment
Sorry, my life has lacked a bit lately, not much to write about. The nights where I don't bowl, I spend time usually watching TV shows or a movie here or there. Figured I write about some things that have kept me entertained the last couple of weeks. If you know me at all, you will know I am a big closet "romantic comedy" freak. Can't stop watching them, can't get enough of them.
I watched ... Love and Other Drugs .. a few weeks back, but found my self watching it again.
So many funny moments. Great cast. How far a guy would go to be with someone, through the good times and bad. Over looking the obstacles ( illness ) and still wants to be with her. *spoiler alert* there is a huge tear jerk moment .. I swear if every woman watched this movie, they will never ask or wonder why a guy will do what they do to be with her, wit her "baggage" or issues ... every woman would just be glad there is someone there so they don't have to go through the less happy things in life ... alone.
No Strings Attached
Great one-liners. Funny. Man's initial goal - a sex buddy .... But like the movie, in real life ... someone always brings in the emotion. Someone falls for the other, because at the end of the day, it is about making love. so feelings will get involved. it's the only way sex becomes passionate.
I picked up a few new TV shows to watch.
Being Human ( SyFy ) 8 episodes
Vampire and Werewolf are room mates, living in a house haunted by a ghost only they can see.
Breakout Kings ( A&E ) 1 episode
Use cons to catch cons who escaped from prison. One episode in .. interesting
The Defenders ( CBS? i think ) season finale this week
Vegas Lawyers, interesting cases, funny. Must watch.
The Cape ( NBC )
Comic book-like hero. Set up and thought to be dead. Sacrifices his life with his wife and child, so they stay safe and alive.
Fairly Legal ( USA )
To avoid long drawn court cases, Kate is a legal-mediator to settle out of court and for the best interests of both parties. Has issues with her deceased father's widow, who is the same age as herself.
Lights Out ( TNT )
Over the hill boxer does what he has to to keep his family afloat. Financially his family and business is in ruins. Started taking on fights again to make money
Other shows I've been watching for a while ... worth watching I promise
Vampire Diaries
True Blood
Bones
New Hawaii 5-0
Californication
I watched ... Love and Other Drugs .. a few weeks back, but found my self watching it again.
So many funny moments. Great cast. How far a guy would go to be with someone, through the good times and bad. Over looking the obstacles ( illness ) and still wants to be with her. *spoiler alert* there is a huge tear jerk moment .. I swear if every woman watched this movie, they will never ask or wonder why a guy will do what they do to be with her, wit her "baggage" or issues ... every woman would just be glad there is someone there so they don't have to go through the less happy things in life ... alone.
No Strings Attached
Great one-liners. Funny. Man's initial goal - a sex buddy .... But like the movie, in real life ... someone always brings in the emotion. Someone falls for the other, because at the end of the day, it is about making love. so feelings will get involved. it's the only way sex becomes passionate.
I picked up a few new TV shows to watch.
Being Human ( SyFy ) 8 episodes
Vampire and Werewolf are room mates, living in a house haunted by a ghost only they can see.
Breakout Kings ( A&E ) 1 episode
Use cons to catch cons who escaped from prison. One episode in .. interesting
The Defenders ( CBS? i think ) season finale this week
Vegas Lawyers, interesting cases, funny. Must watch.
The Cape ( NBC )
Comic book-like hero. Set up and thought to be dead. Sacrifices his life with his wife and child, so they stay safe and alive.
Fairly Legal ( USA )
To avoid long drawn court cases, Kate is a legal-mediator to settle out of court and for the best interests of both parties. Has issues with her deceased father's widow, who is the same age as herself.
Lights Out ( TNT )
Over the hill boxer does what he has to to keep his family afloat. Financially his family and business is in ruins. Started taking on fights again to make money
Other shows I've been watching for a while ... worth watching I promise
Vampire Diaries
True Blood
Bones
New Hawaii 5-0
Californication
Monday, February 28, 2011
The new chapter
When it was over, she said she felt wrong for still wanting me part of her life. I told her it would be hard for me since I don't see her as just a friend, but I said I would try. Now I find myself reaching out to her, and she doesn't respond. I don't know what I did to make her hate me to the point that she would totally ignore me. Maybe it's easier for her this way. I have always emphasized that I would never make her do anything she didn't want to, and I still won't and never will.
So I told her my good byes today. I told her I missed her, I still think about her. If she is happier this way, then it's what I have to do. It hurts. It sucks. But I want her to be happy.
When we started this, I knew what sacrifices I was making. I knew what it meant for her. I knew that there would be no turning back. We were friends for so long, and lovers so quick ....I never thought about what I was losing at the moment, all I saw was what I had to gain.... happiness. I never figured in what I would be losing, when it ended. It was going so well I never had to think about it. But I lost something I thought I would never lose ... my friend.
So today I am attempting to begin the new chapter of my life. I wish I had a better ending to the last chapter, but it's a bit open ended, and maybe I can go back and finish it later. For now, I will try to move on. Don't think I will be trying to find another relationship. My heart is not in it for now. I'm still grieving. She use to tell me she missed me, she was always thinking of me. I told her that every time she left my side, she took my heart with her, and I only hoped she brought it back with her the next time I saw her. She left .... but my heart is still with her.
So many things remind me of her, it will take more time getting use to it.
I may have said good bye, but I will always be here if she needs me.
So I told her my good byes today. I told her I missed her, I still think about her. If she is happier this way, then it's what I have to do. It hurts. It sucks. But I want her to be happy.
When we started this, I knew what sacrifices I was making. I knew what it meant for her. I knew that there would be no turning back. We were friends for so long, and lovers so quick ....I never thought about what I was losing at the moment, all I saw was what I had to gain.... happiness. I never figured in what I would be losing, when it ended. It was going so well I never had to think about it. But I lost something I thought I would never lose ... my friend.
So today I am attempting to begin the new chapter of my life. I wish I had a better ending to the last chapter, but it's a bit open ended, and maybe I can go back and finish it later. For now, I will try to move on. Don't think I will be trying to find another relationship. My heart is not in it for now. I'm still grieving. She use to tell me she missed me, she was always thinking of me. I told her that every time she left my side, she took my heart with her, and I only hoped she brought it back with her the next time I saw her. She left .... but my heart is still with her.
So many things remind me of her, it will take more time getting use to it.
I may have said good bye, but I will always be here if she needs me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
choices
Choices.
As much as we believe that our lives are limited, our options are limited, its not what choices we have to deal with, its how we deal with the choices or make the best of the options we have.
You can choose to be alone or choose to open your heart up to allow someone to love it. You can choose to live happy or let the little things or people that don't matter in your life effect you.
Most people don't realize what is out there for them because all they see is what's in their peripheral vision. If the narrow tunnel vision is what you give yourself to explore life, explore happiness, to experience all that life has all to offer. Then of course everything will seem filtered and bottled necked. If you can span left to right then right to left. That's what life has to offer ......
Everything !
As much as we believe that our lives are limited, our options are limited, its not what choices we have to deal with, its how we deal with the choices or make the best of the options we have.
You can choose to be alone or choose to open your heart up to allow someone to love it. You can choose to live happy or let the little things or people that don't matter in your life effect you.
Most people don't realize what is out there for them because all they see is what's in their peripheral vision. If the narrow tunnel vision is what you give yourself to explore life, explore happiness, to experience all that life has all to offer. Then of course everything will seem filtered and bottled necked. If you can span left to right then right to left. That's what life has to offer ......
Everything !
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011
torture .... hope
Hasn't been my best week.
10 months + with no symptoms of my Carpal tunnel. And I lost her .... again.
The Carpal tunnel I can deal with. A burden, discomfort, minor pain. The emptiness, the loss, the future that will never be .... she took that from me, and I will never know how this story could have ended. The pain of never knowing, always wondering, and still having hope .... that I don't know how much I could endure.
Anyone else find it funny, that in the midst of pain and sorrow, we tend to torture ourselves more? Sure your friends always say "snap out of it" or "forget and it and go have fun". As if it was that easy. Losing someone you care so deeply for. Whether it be in a relationship or death. There is always a period to mourn.
When you lose someone to death. If they were that significant to you, a part of you dies with them. How dare they leave you with only memories? But ..... thank god they shared so many good times with you before they passed. We all mourn in different ways when it comes to death. And it seems we all mourn our own ways when a relationship dies. Because as much as we want to deny it. When you care for someone, and the relationship ends ... part of your heart died with it.
Growing up I was around a lot of death ... funerals. My father brought me to church on Saturdays and I was usually the only altar boy for the funerals. So dealing with death and loss is a bit easy for me.
Mourning relationships on the other hand, I tend to have a rough time with. Music .... everything reminds me of her. Looking at the side of the bed she laid on when we use to hold each other, talk, kiss and enjoy our nights together ... The only picture I have of us together is of one we were kissing. And I had it close by to look at it to fall asleep. And to wake up to. Remind me how lucky I was everyday. And to wake up with purpose..... I just took it down last night. Yes. I torture myself. It's how I cope.
Almost after 4 years, of giving what you could. To hear " I don't think I can learn to love you again " could be heart breaking. But in a relationship that was already down and done, it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. It was enough closure for me to know I need to move on in order to be happy.
Recently... and this runs through my head about 100 times a day ... after going through up and downs, fighting so hard to get her ... finally deciding to be together. Thinking everything was ok. I heard the line that ripped my heart into pieces. " I am done. The feelings I thought I had for you left as fast as they came".
How do I respond to life with that? I knew I was happy, I thought she was.
I didn't try to change her mind. I didn't try to talk her out of it. I did what I could to be happy with her and to make her happy to be with me. So I thought. I was done fighting for it. I was battered and bruised to get what I wanted. I had it. And when it came back to fighting for it again.... I couldn't do it.
Not because I didn't want it. There is still nothing I want more. I just knew what she has to deal with, what she needs to do, what she needs to accomplish in order for her to be happy.
It was always about her being happy. Wished it would have been with me. But in the end... her smiling, her happiness, with or without me ... is all that matters.
10 months + with no symptoms of my Carpal tunnel. And I lost her .... again.
The Carpal tunnel I can deal with. A burden, discomfort, minor pain. The emptiness, the loss, the future that will never be .... she took that from me, and I will never know how this story could have ended. The pain of never knowing, always wondering, and still having hope .... that I don't know how much I could endure.
Anyone else find it funny, that in the midst of pain and sorrow, we tend to torture ourselves more? Sure your friends always say "snap out of it" or "forget and it and go have fun". As if it was that easy. Losing someone you care so deeply for. Whether it be in a relationship or death. There is always a period to mourn.
When you lose someone to death. If they were that significant to you, a part of you dies with them. How dare they leave you with only memories? But ..... thank god they shared so many good times with you before they passed. We all mourn in different ways when it comes to death. And it seems we all mourn our own ways when a relationship dies. Because as much as we want to deny it. When you care for someone, and the relationship ends ... part of your heart died with it.
Growing up I was around a lot of death ... funerals. My father brought me to church on Saturdays and I was usually the only altar boy for the funerals. So dealing with death and loss is a bit easy for me.
Mourning relationships on the other hand, I tend to have a rough time with. Music .... everything reminds me of her. Looking at the side of the bed she laid on when we use to hold each other, talk, kiss and enjoy our nights together ... The only picture I have of us together is of one we were kissing. And I had it close by to look at it to fall asleep. And to wake up to. Remind me how lucky I was everyday. And to wake up with purpose..... I just took it down last night. Yes. I torture myself. It's how I cope.
Almost after 4 years, of giving what you could. To hear " I don't think I can learn to love you again " could be heart breaking. But in a relationship that was already down and done, it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. It was enough closure for me to know I need to move on in order to be happy.
Recently... and this runs through my head about 100 times a day ... after going through up and downs, fighting so hard to get her ... finally deciding to be together. Thinking everything was ok. I heard the line that ripped my heart into pieces. " I am done. The feelings I thought I had for you left as fast as they came".
How do I respond to life with that? I knew I was happy, I thought she was.
I didn't try to change her mind. I didn't try to talk her out of it. I did what I could to be happy with her and to make her happy to be with me. So I thought. I was done fighting for it. I was battered and bruised to get what I wanted. I had it. And when it came back to fighting for it again.... I couldn't do it.
Not because I didn't want it. There is still nothing I want more. I just knew what she has to deal with, what she needs to do, what she needs to accomplish in order for her to be happy.
It was always about her being happy. Wished it would have been with me. But in the end... her smiling, her happiness, with or without me ... is all that matters.
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Friday, February 11, 2011
a good fit
For the first time in a very long time. I am truly truly happy. And its all because of her.
She is amazing. She makes me smile with absolutely no effort. She has these warm inviting eyes. You could see some pain and fear inside her eyes at first. But that has totally faded into a look that melts your heart. I've found myself lost just staring into them.
She has this touch. It's hard to explain. But its soft, and gentle and honest. Not like she is trying to, but its how she feels, thru the gentle motion of her hands or fingers brushing my cheek, or the top of my freshly shaved head. Or how she plays with my hands and fingers with hers.
As crazy as it may seem for such a short time .. but I know what kind of future is in store for me with her .... and I can't wait for it to happen.
I told her we are like a puzzle with 2 pieces. It's not hard to figure out how we fit. And we just do ..... fit.
She is amazing. She makes me smile with absolutely no effort. She has these warm inviting eyes. You could see some pain and fear inside her eyes at first. But that has totally faded into a look that melts your heart. I've found myself lost just staring into them.
She has this touch. It's hard to explain. But its soft, and gentle and honest. Not like she is trying to, but its how she feels, thru the gentle motion of her hands or fingers brushing my cheek, or the top of my freshly shaved head. Or how she plays with my hands and fingers with hers.
As crazy as it may seem for such a short time .. but I know what kind of future is in store for me with her .... and I can't wait for it to happen.
I told her we are like a puzzle with 2 pieces. It's not hard to figure out how we fit. And we just do ..... fit.
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Monday, February 7, 2011
slacking / new journey
Sorry that I've been slacking on posting here, but the reason that I started to blog was to fill the emptiness from talking to someone special. But we've been talking and its been great.
I wake up and the first thing I check is if she left me a message. She says the same. We can talk about anything. Which I love. We find out the little things about each other so we get more acquainted fast. Where it takes months, years for 2 people to figure out each others nice, she.and I have accomplished it it minimal time. We talk about future. And we vent about the past. I remember a conversation about how we handle disagreements and we agreed never to go to bed angry or have issues unresolved. Both of us are like that and it will have to get some getting use to because we both came from relationships where we wanted to resolve something but the other wanted to close up.
We agree on a lot of things. We rarely disagree on anything. We share perspectives and can appreciate each others points of view.
Have I found my soul mate? I don't know. It's way too soon to tell. I know she makes me happy and she says I do the same to her.
So the journey begins. Where we find out if we are ... and I know I will enjoy every second, every minute.... trying to find out.
I wake up and the first thing I check is if she left me a message. She says the same. We can talk about anything. Which I love. We find out the little things about each other so we get more acquainted fast. Where it takes months, years for 2 people to figure out each others nice, she.and I have accomplished it it minimal time. We talk about future. And we vent about the past. I remember a conversation about how we handle disagreements and we agreed never to go to bed angry or have issues unresolved. Both of us are like that and it will have to get some getting use to because we both came from relationships where we wanted to resolve something but the other wanted to close up.
We agree on a lot of things. We rarely disagree on anything. We share perspectives and can appreciate each others points of view.
Have I found my soul mate? I don't know. It's way too soon to tell. I know she makes me happy and she says I do the same to her.
So the journey begins. Where we find out if we are ... and I know I will enjoy every second, every minute.... trying to find out.
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Thursday, February 3, 2011
music
Someone special once told me music is my life.
It's a big part of it, but not my whole life. I use music to relate feelings, mood and memories. I'm eclectic when it comes to music. I'll listen to almost anything.
When your in a bad mood, you can jam to something a little harder like linkin park, metallica, nirvana. If your in a good mood, maybe a little Jason Mraz, Joshua radin, Landon Pigg. A little heartbreak? Maybe some Brian mcknight will help you get through the day. The one genre of music that can change a mood is a little r&b .... soul.
Anyone has at least one song they relate to someone. The song comes on the radio or your mp3 player... then all those memories of that person come rushing through. The smiles, the laughs, the tears. Like visual flash cards, months ... years ... of memories run through your mind within 4 minutes.
Music creates memories. The first time you kiss someone, the first dance you had with them. The soundtrack during the movie where she grabbed your hand and held it for the first time. The first song you heard when she told you it was over. You can hear that song years later and like an instant day dream you remember everything about that moment. How clear the night was. What they were wearing. How their perfume tickled your nose. Or how dark everything seemed to get, the sweat in your palms, that feeling of your heart dropping to the floor.
I can appreciate how general music can be, but if you're like me, you listen to the lyrics to see if it does mean something to you. Since the Apple update where you can make playlist on the fly on your ipod was the best idea they ever had. I have a playlist I add songs to everytime I hear something I want to play on guitar. Or that playlist named <3 that you add songs to that remind you of her.
It's pretty rare to find a song that completely describes your moods of thoughts at the time. You might like a chorus, a hook. But lyrics for part of a song or the whole song sometimes brings things into full perspective.
Right now .... bruno mars
You know Ill be waiting on the other side, and you just have to cross that line. I could wait a whole life time. But you just got to decide
It's a big part of it, but not my whole life. I use music to relate feelings, mood and memories. I'm eclectic when it comes to music. I'll listen to almost anything.
When your in a bad mood, you can jam to something a little harder like linkin park, metallica, nirvana. If your in a good mood, maybe a little Jason Mraz, Joshua radin, Landon Pigg. A little heartbreak? Maybe some Brian mcknight will help you get through the day. The one genre of music that can change a mood is a little r&b .... soul.
Anyone has at least one song they relate to someone. The song comes on the radio or your mp3 player... then all those memories of that person come rushing through. The smiles, the laughs, the tears. Like visual flash cards, months ... years ... of memories run through your mind within 4 minutes.
Music creates memories. The first time you kiss someone, the first dance you had with them. The soundtrack during the movie where she grabbed your hand and held it for the first time. The first song you heard when she told you it was over. You can hear that song years later and like an instant day dream you remember everything about that moment. How clear the night was. What they were wearing. How their perfume tickled your nose. Or how dark everything seemed to get, the sweat in your palms, that feeling of your heart dropping to the floor.
I can appreciate how general music can be, but if you're like me, you listen to the lyrics to see if it does mean something to you. Since the Apple update where you can make playlist on the fly on your ipod was the best idea they ever had. I have a playlist I add songs to everytime I hear something I want to play on guitar. Or that playlist named <3 that you add songs to that remind you of her.
It's pretty rare to find a song that completely describes your moods of thoughts at the time. You might like a chorus, a hook. But lyrics for part of a song or the whole song sometimes brings things into full perspective.
Right now .... bruno mars
You know Ill be waiting on the other side, and you just have to cross that line. I could wait a whole life time. But you just got to decide
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011
defining myself part 2
Everyone has moments in their lives that define who they are. Points in their lives that determine what kind of human being they become.
I've had many that have contributed to who I am.
I had an uncle who was cheated on, emotionally battered and bruised. He went through rough patches after his divorce but became a better man because of it. I can remember him constantly regretting the life he should have had with his 2 kids, but never did it deter him from wanting more for his kids. He was the best father he was allowed to be.
I learned from him, no matter what happens, good or most of the time bad, that there is always an upside. And just because you are limited, it doesn't mean that you just do enough. You try to do more, even if you can't.
Growing up, my parents would help relatives less fortunate. Help them get on their feet as we all had this new journey in America. So I had uncles and cousins living with us. My favorite uncle, my dad's cousin, lived with us for awhile. The same time my cousin, my mom's niece. And as fate would have it they fell in love. I saw how their love blossomed. I remember how he would do anything for her. One night she became ill. Probably the worst stomach ache I had ever seen someone endure. He tried all sorts of remedies. The effort he put forth just to comfort her. I didn't understand why he did so much just for a stomach ache, but the day of their wedding, it all came full circle.
It may have just been a stomach ache, but you do what you can and all that you can for the one you love. The sweat and tears you sacrifice for that special someone is not effort, but a duty that should never be waited for. You just do it because its right, and right from the heart.
I grew up within an ethnic culture. It may have occurred more outside of my home, but I rarely saw my father or uncles or cousins disrespect women. My father loves my mother. Sure, there were times she was belligerent to what was right, or was too outspoken not knowing there were different ways to handling certain things. But he never once disrespected her. Physically or emotionally. My father showed patience and understanding and I know he swallowed his pride, bit his tongue even though he was right. Maybe to not hurt her feelings or maybe he knew that sometimes its just best not to say anything at certain times.
I can only try to be half as patient as my father. As much as you know you are right, you still pick your battles. If its just a simple argument. A discussion. It never has to be blown up to something that can be avoided.
I've had many that have contributed to who I am.
I had an uncle who was cheated on, emotionally battered and bruised. He went through rough patches after his divorce but became a better man because of it. I can remember him constantly regretting the life he should have had with his 2 kids, but never did it deter him from wanting more for his kids. He was the best father he was allowed to be.
I learned from him, no matter what happens, good or most of the time bad, that there is always an upside. And just because you are limited, it doesn't mean that you just do enough. You try to do more, even if you can't.
Growing up, my parents would help relatives less fortunate. Help them get on their feet as we all had this new journey in America. So I had uncles and cousins living with us. My favorite uncle, my dad's cousin, lived with us for awhile. The same time my cousin, my mom's niece. And as fate would have it they fell in love. I saw how their love blossomed. I remember how he would do anything for her. One night she became ill. Probably the worst stomach ache I had ever seen someone endure. He tried all sorts of remedies. The effort he put forth just to comfort her. I didn't understand why he did so much just for a stomach ache, but the day of their wedding, it all came full circle.
It may have just been a stomach ache, but you do what you can and all that you can for the one you love. The sweat and tears you sacrifice for that special someone is not effort, but a duty that should never be waited for. You just do it because its right, and right from the heart.
I grew up within an ethnic culture. It may have occurred more outside of my home, but I rarely saw my father or uncles or cousins disrespect women. My father loves my mother. Sure, there were times she was belligerent to what was right, or was too outspoken not knowing there were different ways to handling certain things. But he never once disrespected her. Physically or emotionally. My father showed patience and understanding and I know he swallowed his pride, bit his tongue even though he was right. Maybe to not hurt her feelings or maybe he knew that sometimes its just best not to say anything at certain times.
I can only try to be half as patient as my father. As much as you know you are right, you still pick your battles. If its just a simple argument. A discussion. It never has to be blown up to something that can be avoided.
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Monday, January 31, 2011
Observations
Dear ladies,
You do not need to wear uncomfortable shoes, half an outfit in cold windy weather, and a pound of make up to be pretty. Under certain circumstances, yes! It may be appropriate and highly appreciated, but really? Just saw a woman with 7 inch platforms with a skirt that barely covered her ass cheeks. It's not even 50 degrees with wind so it feels like 30 out there.
I'm not most guys. So I guess it does nothing for me. Nice to look at sometimes, but nothing that appeals to me for more than a moment.
They say the first look a woman takes at a man, they will know if they will sleep with them. It may not be that moment, that night, or even that month. But they say a woman just knows if they will.
Good thing that doesn't apply to men. Thank god not every woman wears skimpy clothes or shows off what could be covered and left for the imagination. Most men would screw a snake if they could find a hole.
When women takes a glance at a man then instantly decide if they might share the forbidden fruit with them...
men at the same moment.... shallow men
Wonder if she's cute enough for the lights on or off.
If she is one of clingy chicks.
How many high fives or fist pounds his friends will give
.... and how kinky she will get
I've always been into more down to earth girls. Believe it or not, there are guys who just enjoy a nice conversation or simple companionship. The physical part of a relationship is inevitable. It's the other things like talks, laughs, smiles and even the bad. When you need to rant or scream. You want someone there through the good and the bad. If they are still there when you vent your frustrations. Then you know you got.something special.
You do not need to wear uncomfortable shoes, half an outfit in cold windy weather, and a pound of make up to be pretty. Under certain circumstances, yes! It may be appropriate and highly appreciated, but really? Just saw a woman with 7 inch platforms with a skirt that barely covered her ass cheeks. It's not even 50 degrees with wind so it feels like 30 out there.
I'm not most guys. So I guess it does nothing for me. Nice to look at sometimes, but nothing that appeals to me for more than a moment.
They say the first look a woman takes at a man, they will know if they will sleep with them. It may not be that moment, that night, or even that month. But they say a woman just knows if they will.
Good thing that doesn't apply to men. Thank god not every woman wears skimpy clothes or shows off what could be covered and left for the imagination. Most men would screw a snake if they could find a hole.
When women takes a glance at a man then instantly decide if they might share the forbidden fruit with them...
men at the same moment.... shallow men
Wonder if she's cute enough for the lights on or off.
If she is one of clingy chicks.
How many high fives or fist pounds his friends will give
.... and how kinky she will get
I've always been into more down to earth girls. Believe it or not, there are guys who just enjoy a nice conversation or simple companionship. The physical part of a relationship is inevitable. It's the other things like talks, laughs, smiles and even the bad. When you need to rant or scream. You want someone there through the good and the bad. If they are still there when you vent your frustrations. Then you know you got.something special.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6
enigmas and friends
Life throws turns and curves at you daily. Mini enigmas. To test your will, your thresholds. Most more minor that others but still a test to see where your break point for the day is.
I tend to go through phases with friends. I can honestly say I don't have many "good" friends. I have a lot of friends I don't see or talk to much but we can hang out and pick up like we just saw each other the other day. There are a couple of people i can confide in, tell them anything.
There is/was one person I had looked forward talking to daily. All day everyday. For a week we were more than friends. And it was probably the best week I had in a long time. We went so fast so soon. I know I had just recently got out of a relationship but I wouldn't have minded if I got back into something serious. But we weren't on the same page. I think at one point we were both content with where the future was taking us, but we ended up not wanting the same thing. It's hard not talking to her as much, or at all it looks like. Probably why I started blogging. To fill the void of those daily conversations. I'll miss talking to her. Telling me her thoughts and me sharing mine.
An unlikely union. I asked her I'd the time was right could she see herself with me. She said yes. Only problem was I already saw myself with her. That's me leaping. Diving head first hoping I wasnt alone.
I still have hope. I'm in no rush. If it was meant to be then it will happen.
I tend to go through phases with friends. I can honestly say I don't have many "good" friends. I have a lot of friends I don't see or talk to much but we can hang out and pick up like we just saw each other the other day. There are a couple of people i can confide in, tell them anything.
There is/was one person I had looked forward talking to daily. All day everyday. For a week we were more than friends. And it was probably the best week I had in a long time. We went so fast so soon. I know I had just recently got out of a relationship but I wouldn't have minded if I got back into something serious. But we weren't on the same page. I think at one point we were both content with where the future was taking us, but we ended up not wanting the same thing. It's hard not talking to her as much, or at all it looks like. Probably why I started blogging. To fill the void of those daily conversations. I'll miss talking to her. Telling me her thoughts and me sharing mine.
An unlikely union. I asked her I'd the time was right could she see herself with me. She said yes. Only problem was I already saw myself with her. That's me leaping. Diving head first hoping I wasnt alone.
I still have hope. I'm in no rush. If it was meant to be then it will happen.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6
defining myself
Decided to try blogging
maybe share my thoughts, moods, rants
mood : numb
Quote of the day :
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."- Leon J. Suenes
I seem to put myself out there too fast, too aggressive. I think of myself as a passionate person, and it seems to be my downfall. I go 100 mph, because I see the finish line faster than others. Most like to take things day by day, and I try to so many times in my life, but it seems to be an issue. I am a hopeless romantic. If i do see the chance of being happy, I sometimes leap before I test the water. Most of the time, I'm jumping alone. One time, I had someone holding my hand as we leaped, and it lasted nearly 4 years without a single regret.
I tend to put others first before myself. Always been that way. Another downfall.
I try to better myself. I read 20-100 famous or life inspiring quotes a day to inspire myself.
Guess thats all for now
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